In my early 20’s I regularly found myself in the self-help section of Barnes and Nobles desperately searching for books that would help me to find answers to the biggest questions simmering in the back of my mind.
“Why am I here? Is there more? How can I find peace of mind and happiness?”
I had been a certified self-help addict from the age of 16 in an effort to escape the debilitating feelings of unworthiness that were brought on by the constant bullying that I had experienced in school. I always felt like I walked to the beat of my own drum feeling like I didn’t belong. I mean I had friends through the high school theater program that I was involved in, but there always seemed to be a disconnect and I felt like I was on the outside of the circle looking in. I’d find myself relating more with adults as I sat engaged in conversations with my mom and her friends around the kitchen table on a Saturday night.
In my decades of soul searching I tried meditation, journaling, tapping, and therapy and I still felt like I was somehow fundamentally flawed. When I entered my 30’s, my search continued as I filled journal after journal with notes from all the information I had consumed through books, summits and freebies as I hoped to finally discover my purpose and create a life where I’d be excited to get out of bed and start my day, instead of always waiting for Fridays and dreading Mondays.
My aha moment came when I realized that I had played the role of being unacceptable and unlovable for so many years that I didn’t know how to be any other way. This was my default operating system, and it showed up in my words, actions, and reactions. I decided that I was done putting so much effort into trying to feel happy and satisfied yet always coming up short. I was finished sitting on the sidelines and staying still while everyone else seemed to be moving on, getting married, starting families, and enjoying all life has to offer.
I realized I needed to break the habit of being myself. That hurt child and teen that still lived inside of me was trying to protect me without realizing she was really only holding me hostage in a very old paradigm that was keeping me playing small in a one-sided and inaccurate story.
This realization brought me down to my kitchen floor as I sobbed for all the unnecessary time I made myself serve. How could I have let myself miss out on creating the life I thought I’d have by now? I was 37 and single, living alone, and stuck in a teaching job that didn’t allow me to help in the way that I wanted to. I was out of integrity and living a lie.
I wanted something more and found just that when I created Mindful Matters LLC and published a book based on my own story and journey into discovering the courage, peace and happiness within. I wanted to help kids know their worth and develop confidence in who they are so that they could lead happy and authentic lives.
Shortly after I was guided into helping adults, which led me to hiring my first business coach to help me get visible in the online space. After 6 months, I hosted and launched my first summit and grew an email list of 500 people who I had no idea how to nurture since I had no sales or marketing background.
Despite these perceived limitations, I took action and kept putting out weekly content, but soon realized I was playing it safe hiding behind my laptop. Once again, I invested in a mentor to help push me way beyond my comfort zones and to get visible again in a much bigger way.
In this process, I experienced a massive shift. At one time I valued stability and certainty, which led me to settle for safety at the expense of living my passion. I was caught up in a balancing act of doing my day job as a teacher and moonlighting as a transformational coach on the side.
Once again, I found myself on my tiled kitchen floor feeling the cold refrigerator door supporting my back as I began to seriously consider taking the leap of walking away from that stability and certainty that was nicely packaged in a teaching job complete with 401K and benefits.
When the tears finally dried out and my breathing slowed down, a feeling of peace washed over me and I had a lucid moment. I had to finally say YES to me and with that declaration came memories of the day I put myself on a plane at 23 to go live in Los Angeles to pursue an acting career. This was the first and last time I said yes to myself and truly felt alive, and in that moment I gave myself permission to be me once again and live full out!
Once I figured out how to attract paying clients, then other aspiring coaches came to me asking how I started my online coaching business. Since then I’ve helped private clients, hosted live online events, and given numerous trainings. Now that I’ve resigned from my teaching job, I’m stepping into my dream of creating my own hours while working remotely from my laptop and hosting events at my leisure.
I created my Dream to Coaching Biz 7 Step Framework every aspiring coach needs to apply to leave your corporate job and turn your dream into a reality in 6 months or less!
Have you begun your journey into turning your dream into a heart-centered business that is authentically aligned with your passion and purpose? What’s possible for you when you commit to saying yes to yourself and fully step into your vision? Are you ready to develop rock solid confidence in yourself and move through any fears and doubts that are keeping you from playing full out? I promise you that changing from the inside out along with taking consistent inspired action will motivate you to take your next big leap. Can you give yourself permission to do that? I can only say that it’s well worth it!